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src="/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/boundary-scaled.webp" style="font-family: var(--bs-body-font-family); font-size: var(--bs-body-font-size); text-align: var(--bs-body-text-align);" alt="love"></p><p style="text-align: justify;">你可曾試過在一段親密關係裡釋出愛意和善意，卻詫異地發現對方似乎完全沒感受到？</p><p style="text-align: justify;">試想像，你正準備和伴侶出國，你精心計劃行程、預訂好當地遊、兌換了現金……你正為自己的行動感到踏實時，對方卻突然說「你最近太忙，都沒有時間陪我。」你會有怎樣的感受？困惑和無奈？可能你會暗忖，為什麼對方看不見自己的付出？然而，伴侶的內心可能也想著「怎麼他/ 她不了解我的真正需要？」在這例子，你透過<strong>服務行動（Acts of Service）</strong>去表達愛，但可能對方此刻所需的，是<strong>精心時刻（Quality Time）</strong>。</p><p style="text-align: justify;">在親密關係裡，我們有時可能聽不懂對方「愛的語言」，才察覺不到對方一直在表達愛。美國作家兼牧師Gary Chapman在1992年出版了《愛的五種語言》，歸納出<strong>五種表達愛的方式</strong>，廣受歡迎至今：</p><ol><li style="text-align: justify;">精心時刻（Quality Time）：一起度過並專注於對方的優質時間</li><li style="text-align: justify;">服務行動（Acts of Service）：以幫助的形式表達愛，例如分擔家務、跑腿等</li><li style="text-align: justify;">肯定語言（Words of Affirmation）：向伴侶說正向和肯定的話，表達欣賞或讚美 </li><li style="text-align: justify;">身體接觸（Physical Touch）：透過身體傳遞親密感和愛，例如擁抱和親吻</li><li style="text-align: justify;">接收禮物（Receiving Gifts）：送伴侶一份表達心意和重視的禮物</li></ol><p style="text-align: justify;">Chapman認為，每個人都有自己首要和偏好的「愛的語言」，例如有人期待在週末與伴侶共度美好時光（精心時刻），有人則認為心累時獲得幫忙（服務行動），才是愛的表現。此外，Chapman認為，當伴侶在<strong>首要「愛的語言」</strong>上互相契合，關係滿意度會更高；<strong>唯有使用對方理解的語言，愛才能真正被接收</strong>，不然就容易導致「愛的錯位」，而「愛的五種語言」能簡單地幫助伴侶掌握對方首要的愛之語。</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><img src="/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/140-networking-common-topics.webp" alt="love language"><br></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong></strong></p><h2><strong>「愛的五種語言」有科學根據嗎？</strong></h2><p style="text-align: justify;">「愛的五種語言」相關書籍和測試由90年代面世至今都十分流行，人們對於發掘自己、伴侶、好友或家人「愛的語言」樂此不疲。學者們對此亦議論紛紛，支持這五種分類的研究指出「愛的五種語言」和<strong>關係維繫類型（relational maintenance typology）</strong>相當吻合，擁有相似的分類如肯定性、分享職責，同樣是人們為了<strong>維繫關係而採取的行為</strong>；不支持這分類的研究則認為愛的表達方式繁多而細微，<strong>這五種愛的語言分類並不夠全面和準確</strong>。有研究指出，大多數參加者在愛的語言問卷（The Love Language Personal Profile）中顯示「精心時刻」和「身體接觸」為主要愛的語言，但在李克特量表（Likert-type measure）中，接收禮物卻獲得了最高分，<strong>反映不同情境下，人們對愛的語言的需求都不同，故沒有首要愛的語言</strong>。有研究更發現，以伴侶首要「愛的語言」表達愛並不會帶來更大的關係滿足感。此外，相關研究主要以異性戀關係為對象，但「愛的語言」在不同性別和同性戀關係中可能會有不同的效果。</p><p style="text-align: justify;">去年，多倫多大學心理學系的研究人員探討「愛的五種語言」的科學性，研究人員Emily Impett 認為「回答問卷時，人們需要在五種愛的語言中取捨，例如在收禮物和牽手之間選一個。但現實生活中，<strong>這些愛的語言是可以同時存在的</strong>。而事實上，人們亦反映他們認為五種愛的語言都對一段關係非常重要。」</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong></strong></p><h2><strong>健康的愛 需要均衡營養</strong></h2><p style="text-align: justify;">他們發現沒有任何科學證據支持，當伴侶之間使用對方偏好的愛的語言，會帶來更成功的關係；他們指，<strong>以任何形式去表達愛，都能為關係帶來快樂感</strong>。研究人員認為持久的愛的關鍵，有如「均衡飲食」的概念，一段關係需要不同營養，除了五種愛的語言，亦需要其他營養如陪伴（companionship）、情緒支援（emotional support）、支持伴侶的自主權和個人目標（support for a partner’s autonomy or personal goals）。<strong>而更重要的是，關係的狀態是流動的，在不同時期需要不同養分，不能輕易地透過五種「愛的語言」去劃分一個人的需要。</strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;">縱然「愛的五種語言」並非嚴格的科學理論，它仍提供了一個框架，幫助人們理解自己和伴侶愛的偏好，<strong>為伴侶之間提供一個反思、討論和積極回應彼此需求的機會；讓我們意識到，期望和需求是存在的，可以不一樣，可以被溝通</strong>，而且可能在溝通後被滿足；提醒我們在關係中可以轉換角度，從「我想怎樣付出」到「你需要什麼」，看看對方的需要，令愛的表達更有共鳴。</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><img src="/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/communicate-copy.webp" alt="communicate"><br></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong></strong></p><h2><strong>豐富愛情地圖 蓋好關係小房子</strong></h2><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>什麼是健全關係屋？“The Sound Relationship House”</strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;">「愛的五種語言」多年的流行，反映人們熱於尋找改善親密關係的方法。我們也可以參考著名心理學家John Gottman的“The Sound Relationship House”（健全關係屋）理論；Gottman在情感與關係的心理學領域廣受歡迎，縱然這理論並未有大量的研究實證支持，健全關係屋乃是他根據多年在關係穩定性和幸福感領域的研究及臨床工作，去解構一段理想關係的元素。</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><img src="/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/17201757/The-Sound-Relationship-House-scaled.webp" alt="The Sound Relationship House"><br></p><p style="text-align: center;">（來源：The Gottman Institute） </p><p style="text-align: justify;">他形象化地把健康的親密關係比喻成一座堅固小屋，當中<strong>愛情地圖（Love Map）</strong>是一段關係的重要基礎，是我們腦中儲存另一半生活資訊的地方。<strong>透過持續認識對方的世界，不斷更新這愛情地圖內的資訊</strong>；微小事如另一半喝珍珠奶茶時喜歡的甜度，重大事如過去的快樂和苦痛、和家人好友的經歷、工作帶來的挑戰和意義、生活的憂慮等。<strong>仔細的「愛情地圖」，有助雙方一起面對生活壓力、變化和衝突。</strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;">這是The Gottman Institute提供的一個「愛情地圖」小練習：</p><ul><li style="text-align: justify;">說出你伴侶最親密的兩位朋友</li><li style="text-align: justify;">你第一次見到你伴侶時，他/ 她穿著什麼？</li><li style="text-align: justify;">說出你伴侶的一個興趣</li><li style="text-align: justify;">目前令你伴侶感到壓力的事情是什麼？</li><li style="text-align: justify;">詳細描述你伴侶今天或昨天做過的事</li><li style="text-align: justify;">你伴侶最嚮往而未實現的夢想是什麼？</li><li style="text-align: justify;">你伴侶其中一個最大的恐懼是什麼？</li><li style="text-align: justify;">你伴侶喜歡如何度過一個傍晚？</li><li style="text-align: justify;">你伴侶其中一個喜歡的治癒方法是什麼？</li><li style="text-align: justify;">說出一個你伴侶不喜歡的人</li><li style="text-align: justify;">你伴侶理想的工作是什麼？</li><li style="text-align: justify;">你伴侶擔心的健康問題有哪些？</li></ul><p style="text-align: justify;">探索「愛情地圖」有助增進伴侶間的洞察力，更新對彼此生活的了解。除了「愛情地圖」，「健全關係屋」的其他樓層還包括：</p><ul><li style="text-align: justify;">表達喜愛、仰慕和尊重（Share Fondness and Admiration）、</li><li style="text-align: justify;">轉向對方（Turn Towards Instead of Away，即<strong>識別並回應伴侶的情感需求，建立情感連結</strong>）、</li><li style="text-align: justify;">正面看待伴侶（The Positive Perspective，多欣賞少批評）、</li><li style="text-align: justify;">處理衝突（Manage Conflict）、</li><li style="text-align: justify;">支持彼此的夢想，並創造共同意義（Make Life Dreams Come True和Create Shared Meaning，<strong>如建立共同價值觀和目標</strong>）</li></ul><p style="text-align: justify;">各個元素樓層建立出信任和承諾，支撐著整座關係小房子。</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><img src="/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/11234838/Card_25.webp" alt="flourishing" style="width: 100%; max-width: 220px; height: auto; max-height: 290px;margin:auto"><br></p><p style="text-align: justify;">建立關係是一個持續的過程，每一次的溝通和分享，都是讓愛意得以傳遞的重要時刻。不論是「愛的語言」還是「愛的地圖」，它們都告訴我們，<strong>愛不僅在於我們如何表達，更在於我們如何盡力溝通、理解和回應對方的需求</strong>；如《小王子》的名句——「正因為你為玫瑰所投入的時間，才讓玫瑰顯得格外重要。」因為彼此都用心讓這份愛更有共鳴，才令這段關係格外珍貴。</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br></p><p><strong> 參考文獻/ 網站： </strong></p><p class="apa"> Flicker, S. M., & Sancier‐Barbosa, F. (2025). Testing the predictions of Chapman's five love languages theory: Does speaking a partner's primary love language predict relationship quality?. <em>Journal of marital and family therapy, 51</em>(1), e12747. <a class="reference" href="https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12747" target="_self">https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12747</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Impett, E. A., Park, H. G., & Muise, A. (2024). Popular Psychology Through a Scientific Lens: Evaluating Love Languages From a Relationship Science Perspective. <em>Current Directions in Psychological Science, 33</em>(2), 87-92. <a class="reference" href="https://doi.org/10.1177/09637214231217663" target="_self">https://doi.org/10.1177/09637214231217663</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Bunt, S., & Hazelwood, Z. J. (2017). Walking the walk, talking the talk: Love languages, self‐regulation, and relationship satisfaction. <em>Personal Relationships, 24</em>(2), 280-290. <a class="reference" href="https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12182" target="_self">https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12182</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. (2017). The natural principles of love. <em>Journal of Family Theory & Review, 9</em>(1), 7–26. <a class="reference" href="https://doi.org/10.1111/jftr.12182" target="_self">https://doi.org/10.1111/jftr.12182</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Egbert, N., & Polk, D. (2013). Speaking the language of love: On whether Chapman’s (1992) claims stand up to empirical testing. <em>Open Communication Journal, 7</em>(1), 1–11. <a class="reference" href="http://dx.doi.org/10.2174/1874916X20130423001" target="_self">http://dx.doi.org/10.2174/1874916X20130423001</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Egbert, N., & Polk, D. (2006). Speaking the language of relational maintenance: A validity test of Chapman's Five Love Languages. <em>Communication Research Reports, 23</em>(1), 19-26. <a class="reference" href="https://doi.org/10.1080/17464090500535822" target="_self" style="font-size: 1em; font-family: var(--bs-body-font-family); text-align: var(--bs-body-text-align);">https://doi.org/10.1080/17464090500535822</a></p><p class="apa"> Shannon Sauer-Zavala. (2025). What Science Actually Says About "Love Languages". <em>Psychology Today</em>. Retrieved at <a class="reference" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/self-made/202501/love-languages-what-science-actually-says-about-relationships#:~:text=Key%20points-,Love%20languages%20are%20a%20popular%20concept%20but%20lack%20scientific%20evidence,require%20deeper%20connection%20and%20responsiveness." target="_self">https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/self-made/202501/love-languages-what-science-actually-says-about-relationships#:~:text=Key%20points-,Love%20languages%20are%20a%20popular%20concept%20but%20lack%20scientific%20evidence,require%20deeper%20connection%20and%20responsiveness.</a></p> <p class="apa"> Denis Storey. (2024). Study Refutes Concept of Love Languages. <em>Psychiatrist.com</em>. Retrieved at <a class="reference" href="https://www.psychiatrist.com/news/study-refutes-concept-of-love-languages/" target="_self">https://www.psychiatrist.com/news/study-refutes-concept-of-love-languages/</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Gery Karantzas. (2023). Is There Science Behind the Five Love Languages?. <em>Greater Good Magazine</em>. Retrieved at <a class="reference" href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/is_there_science_behind_the_five_love_languages" target="_self">https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/is_there_science_behind_the_five_love_languages</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Ellie Lisitsa. (2012). The Sound Relationship House: Build Love Maps.<em> The Gottman Institute</em>. 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